1
00:00:03,101 --> 00:00:06,337
[♪]
2
00:01:18,811 --> 00:01:20,078
Damn.
3
00:01:20,079 --> 00:01:23,648
I know that man has money
hidden here somewhere.
4
00:01:23,649 --> 00:01:25,050
Well, I can't
find any,
5
00:01:25,051 --> 00:01:27,652
And I have searched
my eyes to the bone.
6
00:01:29,388 --> 00:01:31,522
Well, I know it's
here somewhere.
7
00:01:31,523 --> 00:01:33,491
Bud, you were downstairs
for two hours.
8
00:01:33,492 --> 00:01:34,926
Didn't you
find anything?
9
00:01:34,927 --> 00:01:36,494
Uh-- absolutely
nothing.
10
00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:39,397
Hm?
11
00:01:43,135 --> 00:01:45,570
I-- I brought these
down with me.
12
00:01:47,272 --> 00:01:49,307
Now, I know
he has hidden money.
13
00:01:49,308 --> 00:01:51,242
I got a sign
from above.
14
00:01:51,243 --> 00:01:55,213
This morning, the bacon strips
on my grand slam breakfast
15
00:01:55,214 --> 00:01:57,082
Were in the shape
of dollar signs.
16
00:01:59,118 --> 00:02:01,219
You had
a grand slam breakfast.
17
00:02:01,854 --> 00:02:02,887
Oh.
18
00:02:02,888 --> 00:02:04,522
Didn't I take
you two with me?
19
00:02:04,523 --> 00:02:06,557
[laughs]
20
00:02:06,558 --> 00:02:07,826
Oh, I know.
21
00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:10,428
I just ordered things
I knew you'd like.
22
00:02:10,429 --> 00:02:11,863
Did I have
the sausage?
23
00:02:13,398 --> 00:02:14,599
A double order.
24
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:15,834
Ha.
25
00:02:18,470 --> 00:02:20,204
Okay, kids.
Let's go back to work.
26
00:02:20,205 --> 00:02:22,240
I know he has money
here somewhere.
27
00:02:22,241 --> 00:02:24,242
Now, who wants to check
his underwear drawer?
28
00:02:24,243 --> 00:02:25,243
[both groan]
29
00:02:26,245 --> 00:02:27,579
[sighs]
30
00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,714
All right.
I'll check his underwear.
31
00:02:29,715 --> 00:02:31,916
After all,
he has only one pair.
32
00:02:33,285 --> 00:02:34,785
Now, bud,
you take the closet.
33
00:02:34,786 --> 00:02:36,955
Appropriate
for you, bud.
34
00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:39,690
And, kelly, honey, you take
the back seat of the car.
35
00:02:39,691 --> 00:02:42,693
Appropriate
for you, kel.
36
00:02:42,694 --> 00:02:44,428
All right.
37
00:02:44,429 --> 00:02:47,131
All:
Whoa, money!
38
00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:30,342
Hi, dad.
39
00:03:34,112 --> 00:03:36,381
Save the effort
for the bathroom, dad.
40
00:03:37,549 --> 00:03:39,683
I saw the money.
41
00:03:39,684 --> 00:03:41,786
Pretty crafty hiding it
in the one place
42
00:03:41,787 --> 00:03:43,587
That even mom has always
feared to tread.
43
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:46,791
It's not what you think.
44
00:03:46,792 --> 00:03:49,260
Oh, then, you're not gonna
go somewhere without us?
45
00:03:50,228 --> 00:03:52,397
Well, then, it is
what you think.
46
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,433
But, son...
47
00:03:55,434 --> 00:03:57,635
I'm going to
a shoe convention.
48
00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:01,439
I thought after
your failed, beer-induced
49
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,074
"shoe d'état"
back in '87,
50
00:04:03,075 --> 00:04:05,710
You were barred from
the conventions for life.
51
00:04:05,711 --> 00:04:07,278
I was.
52
00:04:07,279 --> 00:04:08,946
But jim thompson wasn't.
53
00:04:08,947 --> 00:04:10,948
And that's my new name.
54
00:04:10,949 --> 00:04:12,550
Uh, dad--
55
00:04:12,551 --> 00:04:13,618
Uh-- call me jim.
56
00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:17,488
Jim, uh...
57
00:04:17,489 --> 00:04:19,857
Surely even a dull man
has asked himself,
58
00:04:19,858 --> 00:04:22,059
"why would anyone wanna
go to a shoe convention?"
59
00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:24,362
To stay on the cutting edge
of the shoe business, son.
60
00:04:24,363 --> 00:04:26,197
To exchange
shoe information.
61
00:04:26,198 --> 00:04:27,998
To find out
new shoe technology.
62
00:04:30,168 --> 00:04:32,503
To bounce shoe groupies
on my knee.
63
00:04:35,273 --> 00:04:36,574
And more importantly--
64
00:04:36,575 --> 00:04:39,043
And this is something you must
never, ever tell your mother
65
00:04:39,044 --> 00:04:40,511
--This year, it's in l.A.
66
00:04:40,512 --> 00:04:42,347
L.A.?
67
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:46,317
Home of hollywood, sunshine,
and huge, man-made hooters?
68
00:04:46,318 --> 00:04:47,452
[laughs]
69
00:04:48,754 --> 00:04:51,989
And-- and let's not forget
their world-famous shoe stores.
70
00:04:51,990 --> 00:04:53,891
[both laughing]
71
00:04:53,892 --> 00:04:56,360
Oh, and what about
the city's culture?
72
00:04:56,361 --> 00:04:58,229
[both laughing]
73
00:05:00,532 --> 00:05:02,900
I've been saving up
all my money.
74
00:05:02,901 --> 00:05:04,301
Oh, look what
I already bought.
75
00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:07,205
"producer."
76
00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:09,073
[both laughing]
77
00:05:09,074 --> 00:05:10,374
I'm gonna-- I'm
gonna put it
78
00:05:10,375 --> 00:05:12,576
On the front of the old dodge
to trick the chicks.
79
00:05:12,577 --> 00:05:13,711
[both laugh]
80
00:05:13,712 --> 00:05:14,779
Now, son.
81
00:05:14,780 --> 00:05:17,648
Remember...You must
not utter a word
82
00:05:17,649 --> 00:05:19,383
To any member
of the family.
83
00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:21,986
I swear, dad.
84
00:05:21,987 --> 00:05:23,621
When do we leave?
85
00:05:23,622 --> 00:05:25,189
We, son? Well--
86
00:05:25,190 --> 00:05:27,792
I seek fun,
I go alone.
87
00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:29,127
Now, remember, son,
88
00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:31,463
You're the man
of the house now.
89
00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:32,964
And remember...
90
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:35,233
Silence for
the brotherhood of men.
91
00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:38,769
Mom, dad has
money!
92
00:05:38,770 --> 00:05:40,437
He's planning to
spend it without us!
93
00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:45,510
I knew it.
I knew it!
94
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:46,878
The bacon
never lies.
95
00:05:46,879 --> 00:05:48,813
Yes. He's going
to l.A.
96
00:05:48,814 --> 00:05:50,114
L.A.?
97
00:05:50,115 --> 00:05:52,316
We're going
to long island?
98
00:05:53,886 --> 00:05:55,553
No, honey.
99
00:05:55,554 --> 00:05:57,187
It's los angeles
we're going to!
100
00:05:57,188 --> 00:05:58,523
We're going to
los angeles!
101
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:01,158
No, you're not.
I'm going alone.
102
00:06:01,159 --> 00:06:02,593
Can we drop in on hef?
103
00:06:02,594 --> 00:06:03,594
No!
104
00:06:03,595 --> 00:06:04,896
Can we go to
garfield's house?
105
00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:06,263
No!
106
00:06:06,264 --> 00:06:10,034
Oh, al, can I buy a bra
at frederick's of hollywood?
107
00:06:10,035 --> 00:06:11,436
Hell, no!
108
00:06:13,906 --> 00:06:15,640
Now, hear me, all of you.
109
00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:17,141
I'm going alone.
110
00:06:17,142 --> 00:06:19,644
You can scream,
you can cry.
111
00:06:19,645 --> 00:06:21,112
Peg, you can threaten me
with sex.
112
00:06:28,687 --> 00:06:30,221
You're not going.
113
00:06:30,222 --> 00:06:33,258
I, jim thompson,
have spoken.
114
00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:37,562
Bundys:
♪ 99 bottles of beer
on the wall ♪
115
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:39,230
♪ 99 bottles of beer ♪
116
00:06:39,231 --> 00:06:41,266
♪ you take one down
you pass it around ♪
117
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:42,733
♪ 98 bottles of beer
on the wall ♪
118
00:06:42,734 --> 00:06:44,669
Peg:
Beautiful country, isn't it?
119
00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:46,771
Bundys:
♪ 98 bottles of beer... ♪
120
00:06:48,674 --> 00:06:50,875
Kelly:
It smells in this car.
121
00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:54,212
Al:
That's america
you're smelling, kids.
122
00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:56,314
Just look
at its majesty.
123
00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:58,683
All:
♪ toodle-lumma-lumma
toodle-lumma-lumma ♪
124
00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:00,351
♪ toodle-ee-ay ♪
125
00:07:00,352 --> 00:07:04,322
♪ I picked my bananas
all along the way ♪
126
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:07,892
♪ singing toodle-lumma-lumma
toodle-ee-ay ♪
127
00:07:07,893 --> 00:07:10,394
Kelly:
Daddy, are we there yet?
128
00:07:10,395 --> 00:07:13,230
Peg:
Don't bother your father
while he's driving, kelly.
129
00:07:13,231 --> 00:07:15,199
Are we, al?
130
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,534
Al, wake up!
131
00:07:16,535 --> 00:07:17,902
[tires screech]
132
00:07:17,903 --> 00:07:19,370
Al:
♪ 99 bottles of beer ♪
133
00:07:19,371 --> 00:07:20,471
♪ pass it along-- 98-- ♪
134
00:07:20,472 --> 00:07:22,139
Where are we?
135
00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:35,219
Chill in the air,
eh, zeke?
136
00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:38,222
I thought
you were zeke.
137
00:07:43,228 --> 00:07:45,162
Maybe I am.
138
00:07:47,432 --> 00:07:50,668
Go on inside
and sauté us up a varmint.
139
00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:55,005
Hey, look.
140
00:07:55,006 --> 00:07:58,008
There's something
you don't see every day:
141
00:07:58,009 --> 00:07:59,277
People.
142
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:03,914
Are we alive?
143
00:08:03,915 --> 00:08:05,850
Ah, what do I know?
144
00:08:05,851 --> 00:08:07,985
Last thing I know,
we're on route 666,
145
00:08:07,986 --> 00:08:10,488
And now we got
a broken axle on our car.
146
00:08:10,489 --> 00:08:12,757
Nice driving,
pumpkin.
147
00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:14,492
It was not my fault.
148
00:08:14,493 --> 00:08:16,427
I saw a sign
that said "dip,"
149
00:08:16,428 --> 00:08:19,097
So naturally,
I looked at bud...
Oh.
150
00:08:20,232 --> 00:08:23,034
The next thing I knew,
we were airborne.
151
00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:24,134
Look, al.
152
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:27,071
Seems like
we happened upon
153
00:08:27,072 --> 00:08:30,274
A shoe salesman
convention after all.
154
00:08:30,275 --> 00:08:32,777
All right. All right,
let me handle this.
155
00:08:32,778 --> 00:08:36,047
Uh, excuse me,
six tooth... Uh...
156
00:08:38,383 --> 00:08:40,485
You know where I can
get a car fixed?
157
00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:44,122
Gas station,
I reckon.
158
00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:45,924
Is there one
around here?
159
00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:48,126
Oh, yeah.
You just can't see it
160
00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:50,561
For the hurly-burly
of the traffic.
161
00:08:50,562 --> 00:08:52,496
But it's right across
the street.
162
00:08:52,497 --> 00:08:54,532
[all laughing]
163
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,034
[all spit]
164
00:08:59,271 --> 00:09:00,838
Peg, why don't you
do the talking?
165
00:09:00,839 --> 00:09:02,106
They speak
your language.
166
00:09:02,107 --> 00:09:04,375
They're like
your relatives.
167
00:09:04,376 --> 00:09:05,810
Look, gentlemen.
168
00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:08,079
There is a cool 25 cents
in it for you
169
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:11,115
If you can haul
our car to a station.
170
00:09:11,116 --> 00:09:15,119
Well...Normally
it would be $400.
171
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,488
But we'll do it
for 200
172
00:09:17,489 --> 00:09:19,757
If you let us
take our picture with you,
173
00:09:19,758 --> 00:09:21,259
Leopard woman.
174
00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:23,961
[laughs]
175
00:09:23,962 --> 00:09:25,863
Oh, al.
176
00:09:25,864 --> 00:09:27,865
The rubes
think I'm sexy.
177
00:09:27,866 --> 00:09:28,866
[laughs]
yeah.
178
00:09:28,867 --> 00:09:30,334
Yeah,
I would too, peg,
179
00:09:30,335 --> 00:09:32,536
If I drank whiskey
for breakfast.
180
00:09:38,076 --> 00:09:39,943
How much money we got?
181
00:09:39,944 --> 00:09:41,011
Cash or in the bank?
182
00:09:41,012 --> 00:09:42,112
Either.
183
00:09:42,113 --> 00:09:43,681
Including
the traveler's checks?
184
00:09:43,682 --> 00:09:44,682
Yes.
185
00:09:44,683 --> 00:09:46,450
Five dollars.
186
00:09:46,451 --> 00:09:48,252
Five dollars?
187
00:09:48,253 --> 00:09:50,087
Where'd the rest
of my money go?
188
00:09:50,088 --> 00:09:52,589
Well...I guess one of us
shouldn't have stopped
189
00:09:52,590 --> 00:09:54,158
At oklahoma nude.
190
00:09:54,159 --> 00:09:56,961
Oh, pardon me
for seeing america.
191
00:09:56,962 --> 00:09:58,829
Well, I guess the only thing
left for us to do
192
00:09:58,830 --> 00:10:01,165
Is to wire marcie and tell her
we need some more money.
193
00:10:01,166 --> 00:10:03,000
She may not take
too kindly to that though,
194
00:10:03,001 --> 00:10:04,868
Since we borrowed
her tires late last night
195
00:10:04,869 --> 00:10:06,070
While she was sleeping.
196
00:10:06,071 --> 00:10:08,306
Just tell her the kids
are sick and near death.
197
00:10:08,307 --> 00:10:09,740
Come on.
198
00:10:09,741 --> 00:10:12,543
Daddy, we are
dying of thirst.
199
00:10:12,544 --> 00:10:14,212
Buy some pop.
200
00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:15,379
All right.
201
00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:17,448
[chuckles]
look at this. A nickel.
202
00:10:17,449 --> 00:10:18,883
[laughs]
203
00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:21,052
How do these rubes
make any money?
204
00:10:22,721 --> 00:10:24,121
Let's see.
205
00:10:24,122 --> 00:10:25,723
[laughs]
206
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,294
I don't see
any bottle opener.
207
00:10:30,295 --> 00:10:33,798
You will,
when we see $5.
208
00:10:35,967 --> 00:10:38,369
Five dollars for
a bottle opener?
209
00:10:38,370 --> 00:10:40,170
You people
are crooks.
210
00:10:40,171 --> 00:10:41,471
All:
Yep.
211
00:10:41,472 --> 00:10:43,640
But we ain't thirsty.
212
00:10:43,641 --> 00:10:45,076
[all laughing]
213
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,378
[all spit]
214
00:10:47,379 --> 00:10:48,880
Aw, here
you go.
215
00:10:48,881 --> 00:10:50,381
[chuckles]
216
00:10:50,382 --> 00:10:51,582
[chuckles]
217
00:10:51,583 --> 00:10:53,785
Aw, kids,
this was a...
218
00:10:54,486 --> 00:10:55,486
A good idea.
219
00:10:55,487 --> 00:10:57,588
God, it's hot.
220
00:10:57,589 --> 00:10:59,456
Mm-hm.
221
00:11:04,996 --> 00:11:06,330
[burps]
222
00:11:06,331 --> 00:11:08,432
Ah!
223
00:11:08,433 --> 00:11:10,101
Oh, that's good.
224
00:11:10,102 --> 00:11:11,168
Ah.
225
00:11:12,604 --> 00:11:14,872
Well, marcie's money ought to
be here any minute now.
226
00:11:14,873 --> 00:11:16,173
Oh. Let me
get these shoes off.
227
00:11:16,174 --> 00:11:18,509
Get these dogs out.
[groans]
228
00:11:20,345 --> 00:11:22,213
[men coughing]
229
00:11:32,190 --> 00:11:34,091
[coyote howling]
230
00:11:40,565 --> 00:11:41,866
Thank you.
231
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:47,038
Uh...
232
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:49,306
Have you considered
our proposal?
233
00:11:49,307 --> 00:11:50,607
[chuckles]
234
00:11:50,608 --> 00:11:53,510
I couldn't possibly
marry you all.
235
00:11:53,511 --> 00:11:55,913
We didn't say marry.
236
00:11:57,783 --> 00:12:00,517
You wouldn't survive
one night.
237
00:12:00,518 --> 00:12:02,553
Guess not.
238
00:12:07,926 --> 00:12:11,095
Hey. Nice catch there,
young zeke.
239
00:12:11,096 --> 00:12:15,299
Yep. But he killed
his better with his feet.
240
00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:18,536
Well, uh...
241
00:12:20,472 --> 00:12:23,207
What do you do around here
for fun, zz tops?
242
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,513
[playing "camptown races"]
243
00:12:39,491 --> 00:12:40,958
All right,
kelly. Kelly.
244
00:12:40,959 --> 00:12:42,059
Hold it--
hold it there.
245
00:12:42,060 --> 00:12:43,127
All right.
246
00:12:43,128 --> 00:12:44,928
All right, partners,
you wanna see more,
247
00:12:44,929 --> 00:12:47,298
Put another
nickel in.
248
00:12:49,601 --> 00:12:51,835
Can we have
the little boy
249
00:12:51,836 --> 00:12:53,671
Stand on his head
some more?
250
00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:56,174
I can't get
enough of that.
251
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:59,109
Well, the boy's
a little dizzy, so, uh...
252
00:12:59,110 --> 00:13:02,046
I'm gonna have to
up the price to a dime.
253
00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:03,214
Well...
254
00:13:04,516 --> 00:13:06,050
Bud, go ahead.
255
00:13:15,494 --> 00:13:18,062
That was only worth
a nickel.
256
00:13:18,063 --> 00:13:21,865
But you have the girl there
shake her behind again,
257
00:13:21,866 --> 00:13:23,867
And we'll call it even.
258
00:13:23,868 --> 00:13:25,002
Kelly.
259
00:13:25,003 --> 00:13:27,838
Daddy, I have heat probation.
260
00:13:30,308 --> 00:13:32,309
When is marcie gonna
wire us the money?
261
00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:33,844
It's been seven hours.
262
00:13:35,546 --> 00:13:36,680
Howdy, zeke.
263
00:13:36,681 --> 00:13:37,748
All:
Hi.
264
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,951
Well, just made
the last trip
265
00:13:40,952 --> 00:13:43,087
I'm ever gonna take
to that mine.
266
00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:45,055
[chuckles]
267
00:13:45,056 --> 00:13:46,556
Got plenty of money.
[sighs]
268
00:13:46,557 --> 00:13:49,960
All I needs now is a car
to get me to the big city.
269
00:13:51,596 --> 00:13:55,565
Hey, $6 million enough
for a good city woman?
270
00:13:55,566 --> 00:13:56,800
Barely.
271
00:13:57,935 --> 00:13:59,870
Ow, I-- I--
272
00:13:59,871 --> 00:14:01,339
I got a rock
in my shoe.
273
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:04,075
Damn nuggets
are everywhere.
274
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:08,312
Hey, that looks like
real gold.
275
00:14:08,313 --> 00:14:09,947
Watch it, now!
276
00:14:09,948 --> 00:14:12,816
Anybody here want to
take this here mine
277
00:14:12,817 --> 00:14:14,918
Off my hands?
278
00:14:14,919 --> 00:14:16,887
How about you,
young zeke?
279
00:14:16,888 --> 00:14:18,956
Not me.
280
00:14:18,957 --> 00:14:21,825
Accountant says I got to curtail
my spending this quarter.
281
00:14:24,729 --> 00:14:26,063
How about you, zeke?
282
00:14:26,064 --> 00:14:27,631
Not me.
283
00:14:27,632 --> 00:14:28,966
Bad back.
284
00:14:28,967 --> 00:14:31,602
Can't bend over
and pick up gold anymore.
285
00:14:31,603 --> 00:14:35,373
That's why I got
this here bottle opener.
286
00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:39,810
Besides, I ain't
got a car to trade you.
287
00:14:39,811 --> 00:14:40,944
Daddy, we have a car.
288
00:14:40,945 --> 00:14:42,346
Shh! Don't look
too anxious.
289
00:14:42,347 --> 00:14:43,814
Dad, dad, what
if it's a scam?
290
00:14:45,117 --> 00:14:47,351
Only one way
to find out.
291
00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:56,627
Gold!
292
00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:02,366
Listen, mister...
293
00:15:02,367 --> 00:15:04,968
All I got is the car, the kids
and the wife on my back.
294
00:15:04,969 --> 00:15:06,737
Please, what do you say?
You wanna sell?
295
00:15:06,738 --> 00:15:09,640
Well, I don't know.
You look like a nice fella.
296
00:15:09,641 --> 00:15:12,109
Gold would just
ruin your life.
297
00:15:12,110 --> 00:15:14,011
And you've already
got it all.
298
00:15:14,012 --> 00:15:16,013
A wife, kids...
299
00:15:17,215 --> 00:15:19,716
Must have more than this.
300
00:15:19,717 --> 00:15:22,920
Besides, you don't know
what gold does to a man's soul.
301
00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:24,922
It-- I-it turns families
into mobs.
302
00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:26,924
I-it brings hatred
and violence.
303
00:15:26,925 --> 00:15:31,128
Turns brother against sister,
and husband agin wife.
304
00:15:31,129 --> 00:15:32,829
So I-it'd be just like
my life now,
305
00:15:32,830 --> 00:15:34,532
Except I'd have gold
in both fists,
306
00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:37,101
And I'd be saying,
"yippee, yippee."
307
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:39,703
Well. All right.
308
00:15:39,704 --> 00:15:41,238
Like my daddy
used to say,
309
00:15:41,239 --> 00:15:42,639
"you can lead a horse
to water,
310
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,275
But you know
he'll make a mess."
311
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,077
What does that mean?
312
00:15:46,078 --> 00:15:48,179
It means...
313
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:50,448
A horse is a horse,
of course, of course,
314
00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,950
But no one should drink
with a horse, of course.
315
00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:54,251
[laughs]
316
00:15:55,987 --> 00:15:58,222
Well, a couple of years
in them mountains,
317
00:15:58,223 --> 00:16:00,324
You'll be laughing
your tuckuses off at that one.
318
00:16:00,325 --> 00:16:01,559
[laughs]
319
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,694
Uh, kelly, give
the nice man
320
00:16:03,695 --> 00:16:04,962
Daddy's car keys.
321
00:16:06,431 --> 00:16:07,965
It's the dodge
parked out back
322
00:16:07,966 --> 00:16:09,967
With "producer"
on the license plate,
323
00:16:09,968 --> 00:16:13,437
And an odometer that
reads 7 million miles.
324
00:16:14,772 --> 00:16:16,773
Dodge is
a damn fine car.
325
00:16:16,774 --> 00:16:20,144
Ran over my wife
with a dodge.
326
00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:27,518
Well, I could
always
327
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:28,852
Buy a new dodge
for that.
328
00:16:28,853 --> 00:16:30,754
Come on, kids,
let's pick some gold!
329
00:16:30,755 --> 00:16:32,189
Bud:
Yes!
330
00:16:32,190 --> 00:16:33,324
No, wait. Wait!
331
00:16:34,192 --> 00:16:35,426
Wait, son!
332
00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:38,895
You need mules and-- and picks.
And guns for bandits.
333
00:16:38,896 --> 00:16:41,132
And a horse,
of course, of course.
334
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:42,166
[laughs]
335
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,835
You don't see
the humor, son?
336
00:16:44,836 --> 00:16:46,570
Well, you're gonna
need supplies,
337
00:16:46,571 --> 00:16:48,472
And it's gonna
take money.
338
00:16:48,473 --> 00:16:50,608
[rattling]
339
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:53,910
Uh-oh. It's marcy
getting out of her cab.
340
00:16:53,911 --> 00:16:55,479
[horse neigh]
341
00:16:56,981 --> 00:16:58,749
Uh-- kids,
cripple up.
342
00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:00,151
Al, die.
343
00:17:05,624 --> 00:17:07,558
Oh, peg. Peggy, we came
as fast as we could.
344
00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:09,260
Are the children
all right?
345
00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:11,562
Gee, I-- I thought you were
gonna wire the money.
346
00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:13,997
Well, we decided we should come
in case you needed help.
347
00:17:13,998 --> 00:17:15,966
Yeah, but you did
bring the money, didn't you?
348
00:17:15,967 --> 00:17:17,834
Yes, yes,
it's right here.
349
00:17:17,835 --> 00:17:20,103
Oh, my god.
350
00:17:20,104 --> 00:17:22,206
Poor al.
351
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,608
Look, he's decomposing
already--
352
00:17:24,609 --> 00:17:25,709
Gimme that!
353
00:17:27,145 --> 00:17:29,713
He's alive!
It's a miracle!
354
00:17:29,714 --> 00:17:31,682
No, no. A miracle
would be like--
355
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:34,652
Like finding a rock
shaped like ricky schroder.
356
00:17:36,688 --> 00:17:39,523
You mean to tell me
your kids aren't even hurt?
357
00:17:39,524 --> 00:17:40,891
Uh, well, growing up
like this,
358
00:17:40,892 --> 00:17:43,527
You can't exactly say
we're healthy.
359
00:17:43,528 --> 00:17:45,563
Uh, go play
with the zekes, kids.
360
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:49,166
How dare you call us
and tell us al was killed.
361
00:17:49,167 --> 00:17:51,635
The whole neighborhood
was dancing and singing,
362
00:17:51,636 --> 00:17:53,804
♪ ding-dong
the shoeman's dead ♪
363
00:17:59,511 --> 00:18:01,445
It's a cruel hoax,
peggy.
364
00:18:01,446 --> 00:18:04,515
Why would you
do such a thing? Why? Why?
365
00:18:04,516 --> 00:18:06,450
For gold.
Heh.
366
00:18:06,451 --> 00:18:09,453
Look, marcie,
a gold nugget.
367
00:18:09,454 --> 00:18:12,690
Oh, don't tell me
you fools have gold fever.
368
00:18:13,825 --> 00:18:15,693
It's the 1990s,
for god's sake.
369
00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:17,761
What kind of idiot
still gets gold fever
370
00:18:17,762 --> 00:18:19,162
In this day and age?
371
00:18:20,332 --> 00:18:22,065
Marcie...
372
00:18:23,468 --> 00:18:24,702
It's real gold.
373
00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:26,203
I love it. I kiss it.
374
00:18:26,204 --> 00:18:27,871
Mwah. I worship it.
375
00:18:27,872 --> 00:18:30,274
And if it'll do me the honor,
I'll marry it.
376
00:18:31,943 --> 00:18:34,978
Oh, gold,
thou art my master.
377
00:18:34,979 --> 00:18:36,780
Command me!
378
00:18:36,781 --> 00:18:38,682
[grunting]
379
00:18:42,587 --> 00:18:45,256
Well, I guess
it's real, all right.
380
00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:46,390
Where'd you get this?
381
00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:48,759
From the man
with the flies.
382
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:50,561
Yeah. And I got it
off him.
383
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:53,797
You see,
we bought the mine,
384
00:18:53,798 --> 00:18:55,733
But we don't have enough
money for supplies.
385
00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:57,033
Huh.
386
00:18:57,034 --> 00:18:58,869
Look, uh...
387
00:18:58,870 --> 00:19:01,104
Let me take care
of that. Okay?
388
00:19:01,105 --> 00:19:02,273
Okay.
389
00:19:05,109 --> 00:19:06,377
Whew!
390
00:19:23,527 --> 00:19:24,928
[clears throat]
391
00:19:36,174 --> 00:19:39,076
I don't know, old-timer.
392
00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:41,011
You know...
393
00:19:41,012 --> 00:19:44,447
This nugget just doesn't look
like it's worth that much.
394
00:19:46,017 --> 00:19:47,484
[grunting]
395
00:19:47,485 --> 00:19:49,486
It's really worth
a whole lot.
396
00:19:51,623 --> 00:19:53,189
[clears throat]
397
00:19:53,190 --> 00:19:56,392
So...How many more are there
up there like this?
398
00:19:56,393 --> 00:19:57,995
Well, there's enough
to keep you
399
00:19:57,996 --> 00:20:00,631
And your little
fella here...
400
00:20:04,535 --> 00:20:07,771
In baseball cards
for the rest of his life.
401
00:20:09,173 --> 00:20:13,577
Get your lice-ridden hands
off me, festus.
402
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:18,082
I am his wife.
403
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:19,984
[chuckles]
oh.
404
00:20:19,985 --> 00:20:21,719
Well, if I'm gonna
go to the big city,
405
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,188
I guess I'd better
get liberal.
406
00:20:27,025 --> 00:20:28,992
So, uh, how much
you asking for
407
00:20:28,993 --> 00:20:30,694
Your prospecting
equipment?
408
00:20:30,695 --> 00:20:34,865
Well, $200 and, uh,
the little lady's bracelet.
409
00:20:34,866 --> 00:20:36,766
Oh. That's
my mother's bracelet.
410
00:20:36,767 --> 00:20:37,867
It's
impossible--
411
00:20:37,868 --> 00:20:38,935
It's done.
Done.
412
00:20:39,970 --> 00:20:41,104
All right.
413
00:20:41,105 --> 00:20:42,739
We're rich. Ha-ha.
414
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:44,307
You're
half-rich.
415
00:20:44,308 --> 00:20:46,143
We got the map,
you got the supplies.
416
00:20:46,144 --> 00:20:48,645
That means, uh...
We're partners, huh?
417
00:20:52,850 --> 00:20:54,717
Partners?
418
00:20:54,718 --> 00:20:55,718
Partners.
419
00:20:55,719 --> 00:20:57,020
Partners.
420
00:20:57,021 --> 00:20:58,788
[all laughing]
421
00:20:58,789 --> 00:21:01,791
Narrator:
Well, it looks like the bundys
and the d'arcys
422
00:21:01,792 --> 00:21:05,295
Are off to them thar hills
to search for gold.
423
00:21:05,296 --> 00:21:07,063
Will al strike it rich
424
00:21:07,064 --> 00:21:09,933
And finally be able to
afford his own bathroom
425
00:21:09,934 --> 00:21:13,670
With toilet paper as soft
as a mother's kiss?
426
00:21:16,207 --> 00:21:17,874
Will peggy strike it rich
427
00:21:17,875 --> 00:21:20,377
And be able to get
her own platinum credit card,
428
00:21:20,378 --> 00:21:24,013
Carried in the loincloth
of a nubian god?
429
00:21:26,551 --> 00:21:30,520
Will jefferson dump marcie
and elope with his nugget?
430
00:21:32,923 --> 00:21:35,858
Will marcie ever
be able to detach
431
00:21:35,859 --> 00:21:39,028
Young zeke's hound dog
from her leg?
432
00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:44,568
Will kelly trade
all her gold nuggets
433
00:21:44,569 --> 00:21:47,237
For a shiny new nickel?
434
00:21:49,574 --> 00:21:51,841
Will bud
steal her nickel?
435
00:21:56,581 --> 00:21:59,282
Will anyone find out
buck had all his friends over
436
00:21:59,283 --> 00:22:01,184
While he had the house
to himself,
437
00:22:01,185 --> 00:22:03,186
And partied till he puked?
438
00:22:03,187 --> 00:22:05,255
We'll find out next week
439
00:22:05,256 --> 00:22:07,791
On married with children.
440
00:22:26,310 --> 00:22:28,946
[♪]